“your bones aren’t sticking out? you’re fat!” – my brother being a fucking prick

Standard

This is a true story. And before I begin I want you to know two things. This is not going to be a post about how I am completely comfortable with the way I look, because that’s the place 97% of my self loathing originates from, so that would be a tad hypocritical, also, my brother tends to be an asshole and likes to hit you where it hurts once in a while, but….(aaaand that is the point where I should defend him somehow, but I got nothing).

So I’m out with my family, and the conversation comes to the fact that I’m getting a haircut this week (we run out of topics, don’t judge), and my brother turns around so I can show them how much I’ll cut it (which is a fucking lot). My brother has always been a skinny guy so his bones have always been sticking out (and he’s proud of that, I don’t know why). So he turns around, looks at me, smiles and says “make the bones on your back stick out”. I said “what” (and at this moment I honestly wanted to start running to the car, or the beach, or the airport so that I could move to Paris and change my name to Patrice, but I didn’t. Mainly because I couldn’t feel my legs). Anyway, his smile gets wider and he says “you can’t because you’re fat right?”. Apart from the fact that I panicked so much I almost fainted, because I knew he wanted to crap all over my good mood, and to be honest he did, I find a couple of things disturbing about this

  • the word “fat”. You never use that on a person, ever. Mainly because unless their weight causes them health problems, why do you fucking care? And secondly since it’s mostly used in a degrading way, (and there’s plenty of less insulting synonyms) it’s obvious that all you’re trying to do is get a reaction out of that person (hence, you’re an asshole)
  • there’s a slight chance that the person being called fat has a medical condition (such as hypothyroidism) which makes them gain weight uncontrollably, or makes weight loss incredibly hard. I don’t think this one needs further explanation.
  • (bonus) there’s a chance that the person being called fat has or had an eating disorder. I don’t think this one needs further explanation either.
  • (bonus #2) If you’re bones aren’t sticking out, it doesn’t mean you’re fat. I used to think that’s obvious, but my 14-year-old brother proved me wrong.

I do support the opinion that the word “fat” has been unnecessarily stigmatized, but then again I’m the person who almost moved to France and changed her name to Patrice because there was a chance my brother was implying that I was fat (which he proceeded to do one second later).

I probably missed some points that need to be made, but it’s 3 a.m. and I’m tired, leave me alone!

In a well functioning society you should always start by saying “Hello”

Standard

Since we don’t live in a well functioning society, I don’t find the reason why I should start my first post with “hello”, so I won’t. And this is not a form of protest because, to be completely honest, I don’t think that anyone gives a shit about whether or not I start by saying “hello”. Plus, what if the person reading this is a mass murderer or a politician? I don’t want to greet them, I want to kick them in the crotch and start running (or boob-slap them and run, in case they are a female mass murderer or politician).

This is for anyone wondering what a boob-slap is

This is for anyone wondering what a boob-slap is

Now that that’s settled, I want you to know that I am new to this kind of thing. That being blogging. Not that that means that I’ll be bad at it (YES! Yes, that’s exactly what it means, so you’re just going to have to bear with me). This is not going to be a cooking/recipe/now-that-i-am-married-I-need-to-get-my-shit-together-please-teach-me-how-to-mop-the-kitchen-floor-or-he-is-going-to-divorce-me-pleeeeeeeease blog because I don’t even know how to do that stuff (by “that stuff” I mean cook, follow a recipe, and make a commitment in a romantic relationship. I can fucking mop if I need to).

This blog is my attempt to beat every person in my life to the punch. And by “every person in my life” I mean “all the judgmental fucks that are waiting in the corner for me to mess up so they can come up to me later and rub it in my face”. Also, I use sarcasm in an attempt to deflect my insecurities, and I swear a lot.

Since I can’t think of a way to close this, I guess I’ll just do it with a formality.

Nice to meet you! (unless you are a mass murderer or a politician, male or female)