Since we don’t live in a well functioning society, I don’t find the reason why I should start my first post with “hello”, so I won’t. And this is not a form of protest because, to be completely honest, I don’t think that anyone gives a shit about whether or not I start by saying “hello”. Plus, what if the person reading this is a mass murderer or a politician? I don’t want to greet them, I want to kick them in the crotch and start running (or boob-slap them and run, in case they are a female mass murderer or politician).
Now that that’s settled, I want you to know that I am new to this kind of thing. That being blogging. Not that that means that I’ll be bad at it (YES! Yes, that’s exactly what it means, so you’re just going to have to bear with me). This is not going to be a cooking/recipe/now-that-i-am-married-I-need-to-get-my-shit-together-please-teach-me-how-to-mop-the-kitchen-floor-or-he-is-going-to-divorce-me-pleeeeeeeease blog because I don’t even know how to do that stuff (by “that stuff” I mean cook, follow a recipe, and make a commitment in a romantic relationship. I can fucking mop if I need to).
This blog is my attempt to beat every person in my life to the punch. And by “every person in my life” I mean “all the judgmental fucks that are waiting in the corner for me to mess up so they can come up to me later and rub it in my face”. Also, I use sarcasm
in an attempt to deflect my insecurities, and I swear a lot.
Since I can’t think of a way to close this, I guess I’ll just do it with a formality.
Nice to meet you! (unless you are a mass murderer or a politician, male or female)